I am always cranky. The house is never as clean as I would like. The dog is always shedding too much hair. We never have proper plans for the day. BusinessMan doesn't get up early enough to help me frantically clean, even though I wake up the night before with mini-panic attacks about the state of the house. And then Dad never has the consideration to actually call and tell me what time they're planning to arrive. Instead I have to call him at some point in the morning and find out that they are only 1 hour away, when I'd hoped for two to finish cleaning, shower, and maybe grab some breakfast.
But then once they arrive, things are actually OK. As a matter of fact, we all had a very pleasant day yesterday on the coast. Beaches were run, ice cream was eaten, tourist junk was not bought, waves were watched, dog was exhausted.
So why do I keep freaking out before the parents arrive? I know it has to do with feeling inadequate in my position as an adult. Feeling like parents will walk around our house keeping a mental scorecard of the dog hair under the bed, the piles of dirty laundry, and the stains on the kitchen countertops. Feeling like I won't measure up as responsible and mature if they see my house at anything less than its best.
But of course, identifying the issue at hand is quite a bit different from resolving the panic. Sort of like, knowing what edits I have to make on the manuscript before resubmitting is quite a bit different from actually having it done by July 1. So back to work.